I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He shit in the fireplace
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