i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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