operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize