Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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