the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
