When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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