I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
