I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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