3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
