Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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