You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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