It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She needs sedatives and a leash
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
