saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
