Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
