wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
