Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Your penis caused this!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
