last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
