She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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