decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
