I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
