You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
