I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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