I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
