I think my fart just growled at me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
