I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
