Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize