I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
