This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize