what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
