you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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