shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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