I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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