She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
