Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
