I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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