She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
