dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
