Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
