I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
