I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
