So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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