I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
