Nicole vs. Life
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
