well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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