I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
