Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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