walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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