Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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