I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
