Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
do herpes really smell.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
