I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
