I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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