drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
