1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
where does the pee come out of this thing
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize