matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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