on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
