Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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