she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
