and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
