Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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