I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
