She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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