I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
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