Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
