You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
