summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
how does that bad decision feel?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize