Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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