Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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