you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
