Im at strip club and am horny
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
