3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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