so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize